Away from pain or towards fulfilment – how are you motivated?

Do you spend the majority of your life trying to move away from pain or towards satisfaction?

Here are some examples of a life moving away from pain:

  1. getting up every morning just before you need to catch the bus to work so that everything is rushed and you start the day feeling pressured
  2. earning just enough to keep your head above water, while being constantly anxious about the lack of money
  3. being unhappy in a relationship, but are too scared to end it
  4. doing a job which you find exhausting and unfulfilling, but pays the bills
  5. producing something for which you get no recognition or approval, and being bothered about that
  6. putting up with a boss who makes ever greater demands on your time and energy, and seems to have no regard for your wants and needs
  7. feeling like you never have enough time to do what you want to do, once you have looked after everyone else’s needs

This experience of life – feeling scared, pressured, numb, frustrated and angry or having an underlying feeling of panic could be labelled as signs of lack of self confidence or low self esteem.

Your life has become centred around the agreement, approval and recognition of other people. You learned early in life that unless you are pleasing ‘them’ or ‘doing the right thing’ in other people’s view, you will feel uncomfortable and ill at ease, and will attract unpleasant experiences – punishment, disapproval, being ignored or dismissed amongst others.

The last thing you would ever want to do is to say no. You have created that other people’s opinions and judgements about things are of greater value than your own.

You have to always be on the alert for feedback from your environment as to whether you have pleased other people or not – you are constantly looking out to ensure that you have done enough to keep whatever ‘dragon’ you have created satisfied. You create people around you as being more powerful, more authoritative, more ‘right’ than yourself.

This however is an exhausting strategy for survival. In your efforts to ‘feed your dragon’, you give away a lot of your personal power. This strategy will help you survive, and you could live your whole life from this perspective, but is very damaging in the long term if you are interested at all in being at your best and experiencing life at a higher level than just survival.

A large part of being at your best involves being aware of and using your innate personal power – listening to your intuition, trusting your own thoughts and feelings, taking action when and where you want to rather than because someone else has told you to, living your life being true to your values and your own unique contribution to the world.

By operating from this perspective, life becomes simpler, clearer, less draining, much more pleasurable, and you find that there is space for inspiration, joy and creativity to emerge.

What does it take? Ask yourself ‘what would be empowering right now?’ when you find yourself in situations where you notice that you are suffering, tolerating, or moaning to others about. Listen to the answers (and you may have to ask several times before you go beyond your automatic ego driven survival strategies), and if they feel empowering to you, take action in that direction.

You have the answers inside you already – they may just need a bit of help to emerge. That is what I do – I help people to move beyond their current limits and be at their best. Do get in contact if you would like some help on your own journey.

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About theclaritycoach

Paul Stonehouse is an experienced coach, educator and speaker, and is completely committed to helping people perform at their best. His particular passion is helping people move forward when they are stuck, enabling them to live and work a in a way which is a confident expression of their true selves.
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