Trusting yourself and the universe are the most important elements of trust, as they make the difference between living in a grey world and living in colour – experiencing life at your best.
I frequently come across clients who do not trust themselves, because they are sure that they will let themselves down, or get hurt, if they take a risk. Examples of this are not committing to an intimate relationship for fear of being rejected, or standing up for themselves in a difficult work situation in case they endanger their job, or taking the plunge and doing something they have wanted to do for years for fear of it not working out.
When people don’t trust themselves, life occurs at best at a sort of 60% fulfillment level. When asked about what this means, they will use terms such as ‘I mustn’t grumble’, ‘it’s the best I can expect’, or ‘at least I know I will survive’. They are living life at a level of survival, and do not trust themselves to be able to deal with whatever life brings to them, so don’t take any risks.
In survival mode, life occurs as a series of compromises, tolerations, and complaints about their own lives, or other people. There may be frustration, anger, jealousy, fear, blame and bitterness too – all behaviours masking a lack of self-trust. Living like this can be a reassuringly comforting experience, because we know that we can deal with life at this pace. Life will not make any demands that are too risky or call into doubt one’s own ability.
Self-trust means self reliance, or a belief in one’s own abilities, and once these are in place, your experience of life gets considerably better.
Beyond self-trust is trust of the universe, or a higher self or higher power. This is not about being religious, rather spiritual. At this level of trust the experience of life is altogether different. Whereas trust of one’s self leads to a confidence that one can survive, those who trust the universe experience life with a confidence that they will not only survive, but flourish.
The characteristics of people operating at this level include self-confidence, calmness, integrity, responsibility, courage and a certain attractive charisma, as they live life in the present. They tend to act intuitively, and know (and trust) that whatever life throws at them, they will go beyond survival, and thrive. They believe that ‘all is well’ pretty much whatever happens, and acquire a noticeable serenity, and radiate a feeling of peace and power.
To move to this level, some ‘deep cleaning’ and personal growth is required – the habits of a survivor need shedding to make space for the habits of one who flourishes. We all have the ability to make this transition, and as a coach, I help people find ways that work for them of doing this.
So there you have it. If you are starting to get bored with surviving, do give me a call, and we’ll see what we can do to help you trust yourself to be at your best, and bloom!